UPDATED: Hi, my name is Alyssa, and I have a serious problem

I have a confession.

I'm an addict.

A Pinterest addict.

I spend hours on this site, you guys.  Like, every day.  OK that sounds worse than it is.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it is that bad.  I don't know!!  I can't stop!  QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about right now I'm sorry, but whatever you do, don't click this link, ok?  Just don't.  Stay away.  I'm saving you from yourself here.  Don't even look at it.

I mean it.  Just don't.

But I'm sure many of you know exactly what I'm talking about because you, too, have a problem.  You can deny it but you know it's true.  I've seen you on there, repinning my pins.  You have no business judging me.

So here's my story.

I have over a thousand pins across 23 boards.  I pin things I think are funny, things I think are pretty, things I think are stupid or cute or smart or weird.  I pin things I want to make that I will never, ever make, not in a million years.  I pin things I know I could never make but I want to pretend I might someday spontaneously develop the skills to make.  I pin decor as if I'm Martha Stewart and can afford to spend money on things like curtains and area rugs and a chandelier for over my freaking bathtub.  I pin clothes from stores I will never set foot inside, hairstyles I will never master, games I will never play with my children, free printables I will never print, life-changing products I will never purchase, recipes for food I will never cook, and DIY projects I will never Do Myself.  I pin photos I will never recreate, inspirational sayings I will never remember or read again, helpful tips I will forget instantly, and cakes I will never decorate.

I pin these things because I need to. I pin these things because I live in a fantasy world and I am happy there.

In my fantasy world I'm supremely organized, I'm crafty, my house is spotless and impeccably decorated, my children are well-rounded young individuals who never watch TV and spend hours each day creating small glitter-covered masterpieces in their pristine playroom and dutifully completing their adorable chore charts each day with smiles on their cherubic little faces because they love cleaning their rooms and they make their beds perfectly.  Yeah, even the baby.

In my real world I can't find two socks that match ever, my personal filing system is a large cardboard box in the spare room closet, I have a thousand dollars worth of largely unused crafting supplies packed away in boxes in my garage like they're some kind of family heirlooms, I own a very nice sewing machine that I have never managed to thread correctly or make a single stitch with, and my kids spent most of today eating obscene amounts of goldfish crackers and watching Looney Tunes while I dyed my hair and read a young adult paranormal romance novel.  And pinned things on Pinterest.

Is there a program for this?  If so, I will pin it to a new board titled "Reality Check" and promptly forget about it.  Send me a link.

UPDATE:

I started a new NearNormalcy Pinterest account, specifically so all you readers can follow my boards but I don't have to tell you my real name or let you see all the lame stuff I've pinned in the past that has nothing to do with you. So this account is full of boards I've curated JUST FOR YOU.  Because I love you.  You are so welcome.  The boards are based on some of the categories described above.  Check it out.  Follow me.

Check back often, because let me tell you, this girl can set Pinterest on FIRE.

You're welcome.