Text Message Tuesday

Ashley is my funny friend.  Adam is her husband.  A. and R. are her daughters, ages 4 and 2, respectively. She's a stay-at-home mom and amateur photographer and generally all-around wonderful human, and she makes me laugh on a daily basis.  And these are our text messages.

 Ashley says

Trying to keep a very unhappy kid quiet at target while I wait for her rx.

Alyssa says

aw. ok. tell her I said I love her and also if she doesn't behave for you Mickey Mouse will die.

Ashley says

I already told her that if she didn't cooperate for the doctor today her owie would get worse and she'd have to go to the hospital and get a shot in her butt. How many times can you lie to your kids in one day?

Alyssa says

poor sick baby. stop being so mean to her.

Ashley says

She has coxsackie virus. All they could do is prescribe me a big bottle of lidocaine cream for her ulcers and warn me not to let her swallow it or she could choke and aspirate.

Alyssa says

reassuring. 

[later that day]

Ashley says

What are you doing today?

Alyssa says

Cleaning. And sitting around avoiding cleaning. You?

Ashley says

rocking R. in her daddy's chair. And brushing off my healthy child and feeling terrible about it.

Alyssa says

Tell A. I love her and if she doesn't behave for you Mickey Mouse will die.

Ashley says

What is it with you and making the children think they have the power to kill Mickey Mouse?? That might not actually be a deterrent for R., you know. She's kind of different.

Alyssa says

You should really be concerned if your toddler isn't bothered by the thought of causing the sudden and tragic death of Mickey Mouse.

Ashley says

A. has been begging me for days to put on my renaissance dress and play princesses with her. I'm going to have to do it eventually.

Alyssa says

Wait.  WAIT. you have a renaissance dress????

Ashley says

Yeah I do. I made it in high school for my senior project.

Alyssa says

You dress up like a princess. You're a better mom than me, but we knew that. I'm more concerned with this dress.  You made it at 17...and it still fits? I officially hate you.

Ashley says

Hahaha. Well, let's just say I can't wear it for very long or blood stops flowing to my brain.

Alyssa says

I think that's just a natural effect of motherhood.

You'll notice our conversations often end rather abruptly.  This, too, is a natural effect of motherhood.