UPDATED: Text Message Tuesday: Brought to you by BlendTec

UPDATE: My multiple Twitter requests for a sample blender to use and review have been repeatedly ignored by the folks at @BlendTec.  If you value blender-related blog posts, reviews, sonnets, and recipes, and I know you do, send @BlendTec a tweet letting them know how much you would enjoy reading about their product and probably buying two or three for yourself if only they would cooperate by providing a sample to @NearNormalcy.  It's just good business, BlendTec.

ORIGINAL POST:

Ashley is my friend.  You know her by now.  She's also my reading buddy.  We bought Kindles together last year and have enjoyed buying and reading all the same books together, often embarrassingly cheesy or trashy or otherwise not-worthy-of-our-very-literary-selves books, and we keep each other's shameful secrets.  And it's better than before, when we had to buy these paperbacks and read them in shame.  The beauty of the Kindle is that you can read anywhere and nobody knows what garbage you're reading!  You can pretend to be reading Tolstoy at all times and nobody is the wiser.

Then Ashley allowed her children to destroy her Kindle.  Yes, it was a sad day.  So she's been reading on her iPhone, which is lame, and she knows it, because she's not reading much at all anymore, choosing instead to spend her time taking and editing incredibly beautiful and artistic photos of people's children (including mine) and sewing adorable clothing for her daughters and herself.  And sometimes for my daughter.  She's Martha Stewart.  And yes, I'm reaping the benefits of all her new found talents, and I'm so proud of her accomplishments and I think she's fabulous.  But I miss my reading buddy! 

Because I used to be part of a fun conspiracy to consume massive amounts of trashy literature in secret; now I'm just a 30-year-old woman reading Twilight.

But guess what?  Kindles are suddenly CHEAP.  Have you heard?  I heard the other day. I mean, now she can stop being all productive and talented and go back to spending hours at a time on her couch reading books too embarrassing to admit to in public!  Just like me! 

So I texted her with the AMAZING news.

Alyssa says

Ashley. YOU can now have a brand new kindle for only $79!!! http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0051QVESA/ref=famstripe_k

Ashley says

:-(

Alyssa says

no, i think you mean :-)

save your pennies. charge somebody exactly $79 for a photo shoot, and get kindled!

Ashley says

I've discovered a kitchen appliance that I CANT LIVE WITHOUT. And unfortunately that's where my next 379 will be going. Including photo shoot money.

Alyssa says

what?? what kitchen appliance??

you're choosing KITCHEN APPLIANCES over A KINDLE TO READ THE NEW [series too embarrassing to publish online] BOOK WITH ME.

Ashley says

There's a new [series too embarrassing to publish online] book?

Alyssa says

yes. yes there is.

Ashley says

You weren't there at Costco with me today. It's. Amazing. It does everything.

Alyssa says

WHAT does?

Ashley says

It's like the superman of blenders.

Alyssa says

blenders? a BLENDER? really.

Ashley says

I can't remember what it's called!! I was too busy eating hot soup made right in the blender from raw ingredients! And lemonade! And soft serve ice cream made in minutes! And almond milk!!

Alyssa says

all of that? you were eating all of that AT costco?

Ashley says

Yes!

Made from one appliance. This super blender

Blender is not really an adequate word because it's so much more than a blender.

Alyssa says

you don't need that. soup comes in a can. ice cream and almond milk and lemonade. all sold in stores.

Ashley says

You can buy wheat berries, grind them to flour, pour in water and yeast, it will knead the dough for you, and bam, you have homemade bread

Alyssa says

that sounds disgusting.

Ashley says

Fine. I will not offer you any of my homemade bread.

Alyssa says

good. i'll be eating buttered popcorn and reading on my kindle.

Ashley says

You can make your own butter for goodness sakes.

Ooh! I'll make the butter for you!

Alyssa says

ARE YOU AMISH NOW??? MAKE YOUR OWN BUTTER? ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF??

Ashley says

I can read on my phone still dude.

Alyssa says

you make me sad.

Ashley says

Not uh. YOU make ME sad.

Alyssa (after flexing her Google muscles) says

the blendtec total blender? is this what you're leaving me for?

Ashley says

I don't know. Maybe.

If you had been there, you'd understand.

Alyssa says

would i?

it's a $79 KINDLE. and you're talking to me about blenders and making your own butter. i'm not sure i understand anything anymore. 

Ashley says

I probably wouldn't actually use it to make my own butter. Besides, my husband is NEVER going to let me spend money on a kindle after already breaking one. There's no way. It's just the principle of the thing.

Alyssa says

if you buy that super blender, you are REQUIRED to make your own butter. do you hear me? REQUIRED.

Ashley says

I'll make you ice cream, in like less than 3 minutes, and you'll be a believer.

She bought the blender, you guys.  I went with her to Costco to see with my own eyes.  BlendTec Mark up in his fancy kiosk with his headset microphone just like Billy Mays whizzed up a blender full'o'hot soup right before my eyes and yes, it was delicious.  And hot.  And soup.  

And yes, I'm kind of jealous and want my own BlendTec.  OK?  I said it.  It's RED.  It's the same blender they use at Jamba Juice.  I really want a smoothie.  Razzmatazz, please.

If Ashley can make me a Razzmatazz I may forgive her for spending all her money on a blender and passing on the $79 Kindle.  MAYBE.


By the way, I think this is the blender.  If you're going to buy one, just do me a favor and do it by clicking this link, ok?  That way I get a cut.  And if enough of you buy them, maybe I can buy my own.